“A negative attitude toward others can never bring me success”.
~ this is part of a sentence in one of our daily readings. This morning, reading this, this thought popped into my head: I’d like to add: a negative attitude toward myself can never bring me success.
I have been working on accepting myself for years now, and this week’s readings have gotten me to a still deeper understanding of my need to accept – and love – myself. I now feel so deeply and passionately about it that, to me, it’s key to everything. Perhaps that’s part of why I love reading the Girl in the Glass poem not just at night, but in the morning. I love the reminder to do my best each day, and that is much easier as I love and accept myself. Not because it’s selfish but because when I do, I have much more to give – more positivity, love, courage, service energy. When I live life and serve from a place of love and acceptance of myself, I feel much freer, open – alive – than when I compare myself with others, or am critical of myself. This is what my heart said this morning.
It sounds so easy to hear or read or even write – much easier than living it. That’s why I am so grateful for this week because like I said above, I feel like I’ve reached a deeper level of understanding in this, like it’s becoming more a part of who I am. There’s more work to do on this front…or perhaps more ‘allowing’ of this beautiful truth to inform who I am and who I am becoming – I can be who I will to be. It’s a huge help in letting critical people that disagree with me for any reason bounce off me and not feel compelled to attempt to change their mind or even share my opinion – because my compass in life is my own internal world, the Source of all life and power – not what other people like and think or don’t think and like about anything, including me. This is incredibly freeing because when I live from this place, I don’t waste energy wishing for approval from others, or unimportant ‘things’ that family, friends, acquaintances, clients, strangers or the media – social or otherwise – may try to influence me to think I need, when I don’t. Like the latest tech toy, the biggest house, the newest car etc.
I definitely have spent way too long not living this way, wasting precious energy and time in negative thoughts about myself. One powerful way this happened? Growing up, I never had a good attitude toward what I looked and dressed like. So when I overheard a couple male high school classmates at a New Year’s Eve party, and they ridiculed my looks, it was, to my undeveloped self-confidence, the ultimate proof of my belief that I was ugly, not good enough for any guy to like me. The amount of lost time and energy is staggering when I look back now. It led to years of either not dating, not enjoying dating, or liking guys who never liked me back, or not liking those that showed an interest in me because – I believed they were frauds. I wasn’t good enough. Whew.
It took more than 10 years to let go of all that mud and mire in my head, to believe differently, and it was really hard. But I did. And once I did, and started changing – my thoughts about myself, the way I dress, the way I feel about myself when I look in the mirror – I met my husband, who, thankfully, loves me, inside and out. And on my wedding day, I felt…dare I say it? Beautiful.