So I am in my moms city trying to take care of my toddler and also help my mom. Been here a week now, son got sick, mom weak and trying to help her get to a cardiologist on Friday.
Well tonight I stubbed my left middle toes on the bottom of a couch. Really bad – and I’m someone who can take a lot of pain. This pain was so bad I screamed into the bedding. All right at the time i was trying to put my son to bed. In fact I got up in the dark bc he was coughing and i have this wonderful oil I use to help break up mucus. I should have turned on the light but I was tired and I have walked in the dark many many nights, but this room is newer to me and I am more tired than normal.
It’s been a totally crazy week trying to take care of everyone but me, and tonight I confess I can’t do it all. Between jet lag and the cold and not sleeping enough and running around for my mom and also for us for groceries etc, I haven’t had a minute for myself. Except when my son sleeps I do my exercises and I recite things in my mind in bed at night like the gal in the glass and the wonderful affirmation i need so badly especially now:
I feel anxious tonight about how to care of my son and then help my mom in spite of this foot issue. 🙁 I need to accept it and I need to take care of myself more.
I am or have been just so driven to do it all. But I can’t do it anymore. Physically or otherwise. Somehow I have to find a space to give to myself. Even now. Even here, far away from my husband, who helps out so much at home.
Worried about money too bc going to a doc will cost more money, and I am sure I’ll need x-rays. This trip is already stretching out budget but I felt I needed to do it.
I do see lots of kindness around me in people opening doors for us…and being kind to my son.
I do feel like I need the exercises and all the readings now more than ever, as I feel even more of a burden than before.
I feel sad too bc when I wanted to tell my mom about my foot, she said not to bc she was tired…which I understand but somehow I longed for my mom to say or do something comforting as she did in the old days…
Anyway thanks for reading all the way down here. Not earth shattering but definitley written w my heart on my sleeve.
And I want to say – my guide Danny Linkert has been incredible throughout the journey and especially this trip. Wish I could link to his website right here. Must do it soon. And Danny if you’re reading this – thanks so much for your support!!