Week 16 – Kindness and Anxiety

So this is the week we’re noticing kindnesses….and it’s been a neat thing – not just to notice all the kindness around me, but also to know there are a bunch of people in my mastermind doing all this too….I just so love the class and I Loved Mark saying this week that this journey we’re on doesn’t end….which is true, of course – I just love the class and the support and watching everyone grow and share etc and all the inspiration. It is such a lifeline to me.

My favorite kindness happened today – when my mom called, though she had bad news, and when my toddler son came up to me tonight, unasked, no words, to hug me. So sweet.

Sadly I have been also preoccupied w/anxiety over my mom, who today was told she now has bradycardia, first time ever. After researching it sure explains all her symptoms – severe fatigue, dizziness, just feeling lousy, period. It even mentions that her brain may not be getting enough oxygen which would explain why she forgets things sometimes – because despite her age she is usually pretty sharp. She’s supposed to go see a cardiologist but I’m not sure if she will. She doesn’t have insurance….and she doesn’t like doctors. And she told hers, she’d rather die than get a pacemaker. Of course today everything was a bit of a shock……and I Know being all alone is not easy.

So I have definitely decided to go see her again, soon. I had hoped to wait until March, but now I don’t think that’s a good idea. The bummer will be, that will make joining the webinars not impossible, of course, but harder. Hopefully though, my precious little boy will be asleep by 10pm and I alert at that time. And I can find a kind, reliable baby sitter to help so I can focus on my mom…

I sit here, typing and my heart is racing with anxiety. It’s never been easy being far away from my mom but this fall and winter it’s been the hardest….I’m also sad about all that’s going on with her, or that she’s going through. Friends say I need to focus also on my own family, but it’s harder…I do of course what’s needed but I do feel distracted. I am so thankful for all the readings, because while I still feel anxious, I also feel comforted by the words.

I pray so much that somehow my mom’s heart is beating too slow because she’s needing more electrolytes and will get some good help soon and her condition will indeed improve….and that God will grant her more time here, too.

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10 thoughts on “Week 16 – Kindness and Anxiety

  1. Mare P

    I’m SO sorry to hear about your Mom. & that you have anxiety too. I also have that & hate it. I get panic attacks all the time. Not something fun to have. I wish I could just wave a magic wand & all your troubles would vanish. Sending hugs, love & well wishes that everything works out.

  2. Monica Petersson

    I am so sorry for your mother, blessings to her. And blessings to you too, having anxiety for this. Your son’s love for you is really a diamond, and of course also the love from the rest of your family.
    Thank you for sharing so honestly!

  3. jean pierre desroses

    Hi Ilona, I just read your post and I really need to thank you for talking about your anxiety for your mother and expressing your vulnerability. I am living the same situation with my mother who lives 5000 miles away from me. She’s been recently diagnosed with Alzeimer and I really felt anxious and scared. So I did what my heart told me to do: I cancelled my different business appointments , I booked an aiplane ticket and flew to Martinique in the French Caribbean: I spent 7 days there and I really enjoyed being with her and my Dad who is also anxious .
    I know that you have a little boy and it’s not always easy to take care of the two generations at the same time. I will pray for you and your mom.
    A big hug from Jean Pierre, France


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