Week 14 – Scroll 2 Bubbles Up :)

So with the holiday week upon us, we were traveling and it was super stressful because my hubby ended up getting quite sick with a terrible cough that kept up my son and me for most of the night….ugh.

I took a picture of my index cards, because I figured I would lose them somewhere. I lose them in my house, even, because they go along with me, even though I have like 2 sets inside the house, one for each floor I’m on a lot. And I’m so glad I did, because it meant I had them with me whenever I had my phone. And it turns out I really needed it this week. It was so encouraging to have these wonderful words written out on paper/the phone.

Through a long series of events, I ended up getting chewed up by someone over some of the most dear and important choices I make in my life, and also told by that same person how things like sleep apnea, which I have bc I have narrow airways – are just phobias, and that I’m just imprisoned by Satan. That “they” don’t believe I have this issue, or any other, and should just “stop it”….and see “the truth”. And that I am an unfit mother because of this….and other things I don’t even want to repeat.

it just happened yesterday and when I think of it, I’m still shocked at it all, even if it was said in the heat of emotion – and also with my toddler next to me, ugh. It was difficult although I am thankful for it all, because it taught me a lot about that someone, things I didn’t see before.

But the coolest part about this I alluded to in the title: As I was getting “chewed out”, after a minute or two, I realized, this was going nowhere “healthy”. And immediately, scroll 2 bubbled up from deep inside me, and I kept thinking and even said out loud once or twice, “Love is my shield“…..that was really good.

It made me think, my subby must be starting to change 🙂

I also saw a number of red circles. I see them more and more. At the elevator in the hotel, red circles for “you are here”. Right now, first time in 14 weeks, red circles with numbers on the left of this screen I’m typing on now. And even in traffic signs, while traveling, a red circle denoting a stop sign – picture is dark….but you can see the red circle:


On my mom front…nothing new really, just more of the same sadness, as my mom is much less able to get out or walk, or if so, with great difficulty – the hospital stay seems to have taken a lot out of her, still though cold winters are never easy. I am praying to gather the funds to see her soon, and that she will find some more strength again, by some miracle. I know she is sad, and knows it’s hard. She’s been crying on the phone some too, which breaks my heart. I wish do she would be open to some help….


Anyway, see you next week 🙂

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2 thoughts on “Week 14 – Scroll 2 Bubbles Up :)

    1. Ilona Post author

      Thanks so much Danny. I don’t know what is holding my mom back….not sure if it’s pride – it’s possible – but she also always says she doesn’t want to be a burden or bother, and she is afraid of a bunch of people…as in she doesn’t trust them 🙁


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