We are in Scroll 3 of the Greatest Salesman this month and I am quite inspired by the words of the picture in the beginning of the chapter specifically…about the courage a bull being assessed by how many times he’s willing to be pricked with the lance – similar to us.
I’ve sure felt pricked a lot this fall….and before too, but especially this fall, because I guess my mom’s struggles affect me more than other things, because I love her so much. That and the fact that I’m so far away, and can’t easily visit her as I did when she was younger and I wasn’t a mom myself yet. And because it’s the holiday/Christmas season now, it’s even harder to think that she is alone. And I’ve had a big realization that I’m addicted to sadness – my peptides, anyway. I’ve found myself wishing this week that my mom was younger, stronger, in less pain, with a stronger immune system and body, even able to travel here – as she did when she was younger. Of course it’s silly in a way because I can’t turn back time. But I can pray for her, and I can keep saying that wonderful phrase “My mom is whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy”. And I can call her, or let her call me….which she is doing, though also less than she used to. But she loves to hear my son’s voice, speaking to her in either German or English, as he’s adding words in both languages, and so I try to focus on the things to be thankful for.
I love Og’s reminder in this scroll of how the rewards of our journey may come at the end, not the beginning, and so I’m encouraged to persist. On this front, and some others in my life. I did complete a big project I started some months ago, and it felt great to complete it. A relief that will open up more time for other things like my daily exercises and pursuing my DMP.
I also enrolled my little boy in his very first little class, away from me, 90 minutes twice a week. And he surprised me with how well he did – never cried, just focused on playing with the kids, and toys like musical instruments and dinosaurs. Like me, he started out shy, but the second day, the teacher said he did speak :). Someone is definitely growing up….