It’s week 10 and I’m a day late with my blog. I couldn’t log into my account last night when trying to write…I tried for an hour. I realize now I should have just given up after 15 minutes because the problem was I wasn’t logging on with the correct login-screen (I have one for my business and one for the masterkey).
In a way I’m not surprised considering the rough week it’s been. Still quite preoccupied with my mom, trying to help her long distance by arranging help with shopping, which is not easy bc my mom doesn’t like to be a bother – though she really isn’t – but I finally managed to get her to tell me what she needed. Still so weak and discouraged but pushing herself. She really seems to want to be alone a lot, which breaks my heart. I had bad anxiety this week, and I kept saying the wonderful affirmation “My mom is whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy.” And due to some wonderful commenting on my blog last week, I feel better and better about saying it FOR her. I also felt a deep sadness all week, as I was thinking about how my mom has become weaker and weaker over this past year, and less and less wanting to even talk on the phone with me. And we used to talk an hour daily, without issues, and she’d tell me whatever she did that day, what parts of Berlin she rode through on the bus. Many times I’d come home and there’d be a message from her on the answering machine (we still have a landline). We still chat almost daily now, just a lot shorter, and I’m never really ready to stop when she is already. 🙁
So I realized this week, how badly I have been at the 7 DAY mental diet. I can barely manage seven minutes!! Hence the title for this blog post. I will keep starting over…I know one day I’ll be better.
In other ‘news’, this week I also started seeing a deeper shift away from older habits and into new ones that support my health – even simple ones like drinking enough water again (a struggle since I became a mom), eating a real lunch (not just snacks); true health is one of my PPNs. I am also craving the readings and exercises much more – perhaps because the situation with my mom is so hard for me – and they continue to be a lifeline. This week I realized I need to rethink some of my routines, especially in the morning and evening, so I can have more structured/set times for doing my readings/rehearsing. Friday morning was the best morning I had in terms of having a little quiet time, without being interrupted by my family, and my whole day looked different because of it. I am not good at taking time for me yet, ever since my son was born. I am changing that though, slowly but surely.
Thanks so much for reading.