Week 8 – The Gal Staring Back

This has been one of the scariest weeks of my life. My mom had to go to the hospital, first time since my birth, and I was never so scared for her before. My mom does not like a fuss made about her, or accept help, or trust in doctors much. She has a big spirit and in her 20s she once escaped the hospital while there for a party – jumping out of a window!

But the hospital was 100% what she needed, and without going into further details, I know she appreciated everyone’s help – even if she couldn’t wait to go home. She is older and at first when she started to improve she was actually mad that I called for help for her. But I knew all along it was the right thing. I was anxious at first, when I called for help, but deep down, I knew it had to be done. Even if she didn’t like it, or me, for doing so.

My mom is a true warrior. She had a tough youth, lost her mom at age 7 to puerperal fever after childbirth, and her dad died behind the Berlin Wall of cancer in his 70s, and she didn’t see him much in his last years. Other tragedy touched her but she always moved on, always listening to her heart and inner voice. She doesn’t understand all the science we are learning in class, but she knows what is best for her, when she’s not so sick she can’t get out of bed to answer the door. Or the phone.

When she left the hospital, the staff told her no cab would take her home bc she had no money on her – when she was picked up by the emergency services, she had no chance to take a thing with her. And when I offered to organize for someone to bring her some things, and her wallet and purse, she vehemently refused. She happened to find some change in her jacket pocket and took a bus home. I am so sad the hospital told her this, because I know a cab driver would have walked her up to her place, in exchange for a nice tip for the extra service and the ride home. I know bc I’ve asked for similar help before. Instead, she walked home the block and a half from the bus stop. Because she was still weak, she took a long time. Once home she left a voicemail for me saying “so you see it worked” (I was very adamant about arranging help and money from here, all of which she rejected). No doubt I was more upset about it than she was, though she was to a degree too, because she didn’t even have a cellphone to call a cab for herself. The cool part is, her neighbor ran into her at the corner and helped her all the way back home to her apartment.

I am still worried for her as she really needs to accept help at home, she is getting older and less able to move around and I hope and pray with some time and several people ‘working’ on her she will come around.

No matter what, my mom is my biggest example of the gal in the glass…she has never cheated herself, and she can look herself straight in the eye. And more and more, so am I. God knows I wish I was in Germany right now and could give her a hug, or make her a meal. Or do anything else that might help….

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Week 7 – Visualizing the positive

So we’re already in week 7 and the Master Key is helping me refine my vision of my life. Trouble is, right now I am worried about my dear elderly mom, who lives alone in Germany and who most likely has a kidney infection that she was just a bladder infection.

She’s been there for over a decade and I have worried about her before but today it’s harder because she said she was too weak to see a doctor but, true to her very independent nature, did not want me to send one over to her.

So now it’s the near the usual end of my evening but tonight I am struggling badly with anxiety; so much it’s hard to envision anything or read much of my homework.

I am trying so hard though to envision her lying in bed (it’s the middle of the night there) and resting and healing and waking up this morning, able to get out on her own, getting ready and taking a cab to the doctor’s office. OH how I dream of her middle of the night wake up where she’d call me or let the phone ring here to let me know she’s up and about for a minute to pee. She’s done it in the past….

Wednesday is usually when I create my blog post and I am struggling to come up with anything more inspiring to say. I am so sorry to anyone for reading this….but if you did, thank you!!

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Week 4 – Seek the Silence Frequently

This week I feel so comforted by the encouragement to ‘seek the silence frequently’ in the MK lesson. No doubt it has to do with having been with a super active toddler without my husband available to help me for several weeks now, and there has been little time to be in stillness, outside of when my toddler is resting, either in bed or in the stroller if we are out and about.

Not having TV on is no issue at all – I don’t miss a thing. Silence has never been so precious to me as it has in the last couple years, most likely because I experience it rarely :). Only now I am also enjoying the wonderful exercises during the daily “sit”, and while it’s been harder this week as I got a cold and cough which I can’t often stop right now, getting back to the daily practice of it has been so helpful. My thoughts have definitely been much more scattered, rather than focused, let alone controlled. That is the second ‘thing’ I feel so compelled to pursue this week, besides the seeking of silence.

I want to share a quote from the Master Key because my heart resonates with it so much:

“Over-work or over-play or over-bodily activity of any kind produces conditions of mental apathy and stagnation which makes it impossible to do the more important work which results in a realization of conscious power. We should, therefore, See the Silence frequently. Power comes through repose, it is in the silence that we can be still, and when we are still, we can think and thought is the secret of all attainment.” (4-25)

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Week 2 – The Watchman at the Gate

I am so loving the teachings in this class. I need them, and maybe that is why. In some ways I feel like I have forgotten so much, and in others it feels like riding I haven’t ridden in a while.

This week, the idea of the conscious being the watchman of the gate, the protector of the subconscious, was really driven home to me, once more. I love the clarity of the distinction between the sub- and the conscious: the conscious directs and guards subconscious, and this can reverse conditions in my life. Wow. The subconscious “perceives by intuition”, is fast, and proves nothing. It just accepts what it’s fed by our conscious mind. This is so key for me because I need to remember to watch what thoughts I allow into my head….focus on truth, on the positive – not erroneous thoughts. I need to employ my watchman, my conscious mind.

This is so key because the subconscious is where my power is, and if it’s not running the right program, I can’t be successful. And because the subconscious never rests or sleeps, just like the blood or the heart, I need to make sure it’s running the right programs…

This is why I so much love the encouragement of the MKMMA to keep up with the exercises, so I can rebuild my conscious mind where my thinking is faulty, to create new, healthy habits, to think for myself, to not accept what others want me to think or do, but to truly connect with the deepest part of me and live from THERE, because that is where my power lies.

The subconscious is so amazing….this week the MK mentioned too how our subby preserves our life, restores our health….and helps us take care of our offspring – which fascinated me since I now have that great gift and I have been amazed at how much I have needed to rely on my intuition, because in parenting my first child, it seems like each day something new is happening, and I often have no clue what to do – I simply do what my heart seems to lead me to do.

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Week 1 – Back in the Saddle

So it’s week one and I am traveling this week and had to miss the first webinar because I had no wifi access 🙁 but I am so excited to start reading the Masterkey and Og’s amazing words and the BPB and everything else in this wonderful class. I can’t wait to go through this most amazing of classes once more. I took it before and had the great gift of a baby since and have definitely fallen off the wagon…..not making time for me, to meditate, to look into the world within, to really leverage the subconscious, and this summer my mind kept coming back to the MKMMA when I did have a quiet moment and I was thinking of what I could do for myself that would be inspiring and help me grow.

I grew and learned so much last time, I deeply desire to get back in the saddle. I had dreamed of becoming a mom – well, since I was three, basically – but life and some health issues which ate up some precious years of my life and delayed that dream. While there is nothing I enjoy more in life than watching this miracle grow up – I also still deeply desire to grow within myself, to transform my weaknesses into strengths, so I can become a better mom, wife, woman, friend, contributor. And God knows there are lots of challenges to master in this life. And certainly, to not lose myself in doing so much for others – even though I enjoy it deeply. Staying true to myself, making time for me and connecting to my heart are so important to me, and even my body and mind! There is so much to learfile2871273526205n still about my subconscious, my dharma, about who I am. Sometimes I feel like I should already know it all, but I don’t. And I’m learning to be OK with that.

I am also super looking forward to masterminding with others in the group – besides getting to hear the wonderful wisdom throughout the course I also totally love knowing there are hundreds of others on this special journey with me, all over the world. And I get to witness it. So without further ado, here we go…. 🙂

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Week 6 – The Power of our Brain

I love this week. I am also continuing to be challenged by this week. Challenged, inspired, motivated. Challenged because I feel so busy, so attached to ‘stuff’ in our house (meaning both material items I’ve been working on reducing and just regular work that needs to get done, while watching my very active, adorable toddler) that it is so wonderful to be reminded again and again throughout this course of how important our brain is to our life, the cause to all the effects we experience in our external circumstances – and especially this week.

That and the power of concentration, with it being the very highest accomplishment that can be acquired.

My ability to concentrate has suffered a bit lately, as I feel pulled in many directions in my life via the roles I play, wife, mom, homemaker, part-time business owner, so much that it’s a challenge to take time for myself, where I am not actually accomplishing anything, but just being. This is why i love the sitting quietly time so much. I need and crave it. And I notice how much my mind wanders, except for the moments I focus on my breath, or attempt to do the different exercises we are instructed to do.

I am so thankful, however, for all we are learning and doing in the MKMMA and the cool thing is, I am seeing fun “results”. I got to check off a lot of things on my to do list – not just our chore card 🙂 – and some cool things are happening, such as totally surprise gifts, surprise energy levels and the letting go of some pressure at home to have everything needing to be or look perfect before I enjoy being with my toddler more and outside in great weather this week. In a word, I have felt freer the second part of this week than I have in some time. Woohoo!

The only ‘bummer’ is is I have realized my DMP is still far from done…to the point of my need to change one of my PPNs. But I am getting there…..

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Week 3 – Relaxation

This week the most important part of the master key for me was the reminder of the importance of relaxation to enable the body and brain to function most optimally, Bc it enables the blood to flow where it needs to and for my mental capacities to be able to exercise their greatest freedom.

This is what I deeply desire to make progress on, as I know my tendency toward worry and constriction all too well.

I sometimes feel I sort of inherited this trait from my mom, the hardest worker I have ever met, but I know that until recently my habit of worry has been perpetuated by none other than my very own self!

I too work very hard….in fact I recently had a naturopath who happens to know about iridology tell me that I’m the type of person who can work hard very well, but relaxing is not so easy. She could see this in my eyes!

Definitely even more motivation to help me pursue the sitting still exercise – and relaxation in general.

I’m currently traveling and one of my goals at home is working on creating more time in my schedule to do nothing, or fun things with my family – not working nearly all the time. To the point where if I have a moment, I think of something else I need to do – not the fun thing I could do for even five minutes, like dance to a song or two w my adorable toddler 🙂

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Week 5 – Be Gentle With Myself

So this was a tough week for me in some ways on this awesome journey of the MKMMA 2017. At the same time, it was also an easy week. Let me explain.

It was a tough week because I caught my toddler’s cold and cough, and doing my daily ‘sit’ was tough – the cough made sitting truly still very difficult because I was unable to control it, even with medicine, most of the days this week. So I essentially had to decide to just take whatever time I needed, and definitely more than 15 minutes, and to let go of other things I had to do. This is not an easy ‘thing’ for me to do, but I realize that the extra rest actually helped me heal more, and now I’m feeling much better, and hardly coughing anymore.

I will confess, though, that not making it this week in 15 minutes, was hard especially the first few days and I had to remind myself while it was happening in my mind, it’s OK to need to more time, to be coughing if that’s what my body needs.

This week one of our assignments was to not give an opinion and being sick, it was pretty easy to not give an opinion, because I was so tired from not sleeping enough. I will, however, feel more challenged with it now that I’m feeling better!

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Week 24 – Still going deeper and deep gratitude for my guide

So hard to believe this is our last week in class. I am sad even though I plan to continue this great journey on my own. There is much more to learn.

Throughout this whole process, clearly one of the most important lessons has been how much life comes from within, not without. How our thoughts are the cause, not the effect, and how by changing our thoughts, the cause, we also change the effects. Through the various exercises, and especially the sits, I feel I have become a calmer person, somehow.

The other key lesson for me is…..to really connect with my own inner life, to seek it out, to listen to it – the inner guidance, and listen less to the input of other people – even though I will keep taking their wisdom into consideration. The Gal in the Glass will be a steady companion.

And then there is the Law of Growth, showing itself to me in the last two weeks after I bumped into a snowbank at the end of our driveway. I have not had time to have the big dent fixed. Since that day, I see dented bumpers several times a week. Whereas before, I hadn’t in I don’t know how long. The cool thing is, this works with anything.

Last but not least, I want to take a moment to publicly say thank you both to my personal guide – who was and is incredibly patient, supportive, and an unforgettable gift. Carol M, thank you so much! She was everything an MKMMA’er could wish for, and I hope, you’ll continue to be a guide for a long time to come! And of course, a great big thanks for both Mark and Davene J, without whom all of this wouldn’t be possible!!! And….surely, all the inspiring MKMMA’ers I’ve come across in this journey.

 

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Week 23 – Going deeper within

This week I’ve been doing searching my heart and mind a lot – and not just because I am craving and creating more stillness….I feel as if a lot of the lessons and readings have been ‘stewing’ in my brain, subconsciously and consciously.

Two simple examples….the practicing of not giving opinions is starting to enable me more and more to become aware of the lack of my need to comment on things like Facebook posts or even in conversations with certain people that seem upsetting to me, or negative, or whatever. I notice my whole self – mind/heart/body – have less of a response which I love because I am a “blue” and I often feel things and am also very sensitive in general. I can be OK with what people say just observing…..or am getting there more and more.

I also have had lots of practice these last few weeks – not always by choice – to remember that no one has responsibility for how I feel than me. Specifically, I notice how deep-seated my desire to please others, to be liked, has been. But I also notice, when that’s not the case (i.e. I am unable to please others), or when someone is not ‘there’ for me when I had hoped they’d be, it is getting easier – I am getting faster – to the point of realizing – “Person X may not like my decision, but that’s OK. I don’t need their approval.

P.S. I just went back to read my own week 22 blog. I had totally forgotten what I wrote “back then”, and that it was about a similar topic, in different circumstances. Now I realize, this people-pleasing ‘theme’ is bigger than I thought and showing up in different areas of my life. So grateful for that. 🙂

And now, time to go back and deeper within.

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